The Voice.
Voice actor, host and broadcast producer based in Melbourne.
Currently freelancing his vocal cords to Southeast Asia, and locally, as a commercial radio producer, Allain is a seasoned voice actor and broadcast producer based in Melbourne, Australia and a former host of terrestrial and internet radio.
The vocal cords still work, he is just (much) further away from the mic and generally sounding more important than he actually was. Allain's had the kind of career that gets you recognised in public by your voice alone.
He will still do the radio voice if you ask. He will absolutely do it if you buy him a coffee. He will deny he's doing it the entire time.
The Actual Hero
Let's be clear about who the star of this family is. Her name is Emma. She beat cancer. She married Allain. Two miracles, honestly, and the second one required considerably more patience.
Emma is the reason any of this works. The cats know it. Allain knows it. The turntable knows it. She is the calm center of a household that includes four cats, a vinyl collection with opinions, and a man who has a spreadsheet for a car he hasn't bought yet.
The Cat Hierarchy
Allain runs a small, poorly managed feline collective. There is a chain of command. It does not involve him.
Teddy
the matriarchThe fluffy black void. Mother of the troop, decider of who may enter the kitchen. Loves Emma with pure, unconditional devotion. Looks at Allain like he forgot to pay rent. She is correct.
Small Fry
head of home securityA tuxedo cat with a job title and a performance review problem. In practice, she growls at the doorbell and then hides behind the couch for 45 minutes. Her shift ends at noon. She does not clock out.
Annabelle
chaos agentOrange female. Already at a disadvantage - the shared orange braincell is well-documented. Annabelle is stressed, wired, and operating on roughly 1.2 volts of cat energy at all times. She is the chaos this household deserves.
Baxter
the chilled gentlemanBaxter has seen things. He is unbothered. While the others spiral, Baxter lies down. He is the emotional support animal for the entire household, including the other cats. King behavior.
The Obsessions
Allain does not casually enjoy things. He falls down stairs. These are the stairs.
Audiophile
Two Technics - an SL-1200 MK7 and an SL-1300 MK7. He can tell you why your vinyl setup is wrong. He will try not to. He will fail. The cartridge alignment. The tracking force. The anti-skate. It matters. All of it.
Specialty coffee runs parallel. The grinder matters. The water temperature matters. The pour technique matters. The vibes matter most.
Lego
An extensive collection. The kind that makes visitors go "oh" and his bank account go "why." Built sets displayed with the reverence usually reserved for museum artifacts.
The existential dread of moving a built Millennium Falcon two thousand kilometers interstate is something no Lego manual prepares you for. The instruction booklets do not cover trauma. They should.
The Car Hunt
Allain is on a mission. The target: a Toyota Prado 250 Series VX. Not just any Prado. The right Prado.
He wants the i-Force Max hybrid. Not the fake 48-volt mild hybrid nonsense Toyota calls V-Active. If he wanted a system that barely does a thing, he would buy another cat.
The dream spec includes a SpartanBar - a polymer bull bar. No heavy steel. Allain is an adult who cares about weight distribution and approach angles. He has done the research. He has the spreadsheet. The spreadsheet has its own tab.
The Vibes
Soundtrack
80s US pop and rock. Huey Lewis & The News is not optional, it is mandatory. Australian road trip classics - Daryl Braithwaite's "The Horses" will come on and Allain will sing along at full volume. You will sing too. Resistance is futile.
Side Quest
The lottery. Regularly. Someone has to win. Statistically, it might as well be him. He has a system. The system has not worked yet. This does not deter him.
The Flex
Married to Emma. That is the actual flex. Everything else - the cats, the turntables, the car spreadsheets, the Lego - that is just stuff he does between making her laugh.